Our Story – Ken Lee and Yudy Chang

Mr. Ken Lee 李彥禎

 

Two Birds in the Same Woods

We were first on opposite sides of the world,

but fate brought us both into the same woods;

We fly side by side between heaven and earth,

we experience life’s joys and sorrows as one.

 

1. Starting from a Towel

It don’t remember when it started, but every time I took a shower, not long after, perhaps the next day, somebody would hang a soft and clean luscious towel on my designated bar for my use the next time. This kind of meticulous care not only made me feel warm and comfortable when I dried my body, but also filled my heart with sweet joy. The strange thing is, the towel-hanging was done so surreptitiously in those six or seven years that not once did I catch that towel-hanger. Not that I didn’t know who was hanging the towels – even my knees knew that. It was my wife Judy Chang, of course – for ever since six or seven years ago when we’d moved from North Carolina to the little two bed two bath house in that place in California known as heaven on earth (Laguna Woods Village), we were nearly inseparable and had few guests – no, this certainly wasn’t the secret doing of some rando with no better thing to do. This may seem inconsequential on the surface, yet deep in my bones the significance is profound indeed.  For instance, even when we are sulking and ignoring each other, the towel hanging as usual indicates she still holds me in her heart and still cares for me; it makes a sweet sensation permeate my heart that words cannot do justice.

In the past two or three years she was suddenly inspired to make bags, hats, sofa cushions, and quilts etc. Her creations were praised by many; moreover, these elaborate products placed all over our small house were very aesthetically pleasing. Suddenly, I was moved to repay my love, and responded with enjoyment. Every day after getting up, I lay out her favorite embellished bed cloth on top of our blankets. This made her happy. We did these things with no prior announcement or discussion – there were merely the secret deeds of kindred spirits, of a husband and wife who have experienced the joys and sorrows, sweetness and bitterness of life together.

 

2. The Beginning of the Story

Our attachments, no matter to whom, all have a story. We were, of course, no different.

I am lucky to have had affectionate friends throughout my life. Among the most unforgettable were a group of sworn brothers in high school, also known as “diehard companions” (死黨). We not only often gathered to play together, rode our bikes together to and from school, and talked over everything on earth, but also engaged in chivalrous acts in defense of justice. We were naïve and romantic, free and joyous, enjoying our once in a lifetime period of adolescence. One day in idle chatter, someone suddenly proposed to introduce me to a most “suitable” girl, perhaps even the next day. The next day, a car rolled up to the park in the early morning, and someone called in surprise “she’s here!” and asked me to have a look. Once she had passed everyone impatiently pressed upon me, talking over one another asking what did I think, did I know her? What was my impression? I said I had never seen her before and had no idea who she was, but she seemed elegant, dignified and full of energy, with a steady and powerful step… of course, they said in unison, because her nickname is ‘powerful’ (有力, youli), drawn from her true name Youli (Yudy) Chang 張由吏. This was the first time in my life I caught sight of her and heard her name. From then on, our conversations revolved around Yudy Chang almost every day. They often said how similar the two of us were – for example, we were both class leaders from primary through high school, and sooner or later stepped up to be leaders of morning and evening drills (we were at different schools, at Chung Cheng and Ren-Ai Elementary schools and Ping Tung Girl’s High and Ping Tung High, respectively), but our interactions were limited to passing each the on the way to school or to our discussions about her. There was no progress whatsoever, as we didn’t know how to come in to contact with her, nor did we know where she lived. So, we kept horsing around in our free time, until several months later, the National Salvation Corps unintentionally did us a big favor. It turned out the National Salvation Corps held a winter camp for class presidents of high schools in schools across the seven counties in Kaohsiung during winter break. We not only saw each other – we even talked (before this moment Yudy Chang probably did not know of my existence). However, after the National Salvation Corps built this bridge, it quickly crumbled. This was more horrible than when I had not yet met her, because then, when we didn’t talk or see each other I did not feel this intense pressure of longing. Now though, one day without seeing her felt like three years, not to speak of when her absence lasted more than a day. It was a torment bringing me to the verge of insanity. Later, I really did go “insane” – ignoring social taboos and school rules, I fearlessly sent a letter to her school. My letter was like a stone dropped into the ocean; two or three weeks later there was still no response. Intuitively I felt it was a grave situation. I was afraid I’d brought forth a disaster or made her suffer punishment. I was devastated and full of regret. One day, a “mailman” unexpectedly passed me a beautifully written letter addressed from Chuanhsiu 娟秀. I was shocked to tremors. I knew in my heart the verdict had finally arrived. I don’t remember the entirety of the text, but I will never forget the few lines on the bottom: “The school manager called me to her office and took out your letter, asking me some inexplicable questions. I answered her truthfully. Later she said, it seems you are both pure and have performed well. I will not punish you, but you must be more careful from now on. Later, Lin Chiungying 林瓊英 (the current president of Baltimore R.O.C. Women’s Association) told me you are a good friend of her cousin’s, with god character.” From then on, the ties were undone – we started dating, enjoying that most rare joy of adolescence.

 

3. Unforgettable Memories

The most exciting and unforgettable times, the arrogance of youth – well, that was our time.

I grew up in a very free and open household. My mother was especially hardworking and gentle – she never hit or scolded us children. Our father, though he was loud like thunder when angry, was usually so busy with his government job that he didn’t fuss over us much. But when he came home drunk, he would gather the whole family for a lecture and ramble about unity. His heart was soft like clay – he would often shed tears at moving stories. With such a background, I could do whatever I liked.

One day, on a whim, several of my friends and siblings and I, including Hsuehmin 雪玟, Hsuehfen 雪芬, and Youching 由京, girls still in primary school, and Youmei 由美, who had not yet started school – 10 of us in total – rode our bikes for 20 or 30 km from Pingtung City through Ligang 里港to Qishan 旗山 to see my uncle.  After filling ourselves with famous Qishan popsicles, we rode along the riverbank to return to the city. Suddenly it started to rain heavily. We had no place to take shelter and could only spread out a large plastic sheet, held up in the corners by four boys, while the shivering little girls wore the boys’ coats and huddled underneath. Finally, the rain lightened up and we hurried home, hoping to arrive at the main road and then Pingtung highway before nightfall. This was a difficult task indeed, because the road was both long and narrow, and the little girls were riding on the back seat of the bikes. Fortunately, the heavens looked out for us. We not only arrived in time but also found a little eatery. Seeing this group of cold, hungry, and tired kids like little refugees, the owner specially cooked everyone a large bowl of steamy hot and fragrant rice noodles to comfort us.

While we were eating, darkness fell, and we worried the next stretch of road would be tricky. I called for my father to come pick us up. About 20 minutes later my father arrived on his motorcycle. When he walked in and saw us crowd of embarrassed and nervous figures, he kept up an energized disposition and hurried us back on the road without a word. We rode in front while he rode in back shining his head light for us. That year, the bridge over the Pintung Gaoping River 下淡水溪 was probably the second longest in Taiwan after the Xiluo bridge 西螺大橋. There were still sunken iron rails on the bridge, and if you were not careful it might make you tip over. It was very dangerous, especially at night. We were cautious and silent the whole way back, but felt apprehensive, worried that we’d be scolded when we got home. Nobody expected my father and mother to treat us so warmly and with concern, saying, “We are so happy to have you home safe. You must be exhausted after being out all day? Go wash up and go to sleep.” Hearing this we turned around right away and ran off. Though we had passed the first control point unscathed, from the next day on we waited in fear, not knowing what time the reconning would strike. After four or five days with no stirrings, it seemed as though the incident had never occurred, until one day when I sat in the living room by myself and my father quietly sat down next to me, asking with a smile:

“Would you care to talk about your takeaways from you earth-shattering adventures the other day?”

I responded nervously, “Thank you dad for coming to take us home, or else, with the sky so dark, we might not have made it back.”

My father said, “Anything else?”

I straightened up and paused. “To be honest, our adventure that day was too impulsive and rushed. We had no plan or preparation in case it rained so heavily. I am really sorry, please forgive us.”

“So, what is the conclusion?” said my father, still looking at me.

“Learn from our mistakes and don’t do it again!” After a pause I asked father:

“So, what are your takeaways?” Father thought for a moment then said:

“That night while I was going to get you all, I was thinking about how to deal with you flock of frightened birds. When I saw you were embarrassed but all safe and sound, I knew it was a priority to get you home to rest. So, I decided it was better to show understanding than reproach. What has comforted me most is seeing your steadiness in confronting this crisis. I think you have grown up.”

Hearing this I was moved to tears in front of my father for the first time ever. After this incident, I realized that when my father became a bank manager as a twenty something year old, it was no accident that the banks where he served were all well run with kind people and had excellent performance. I admired him greatly and took him as my role model for how to behave towards people.

As I was writing this article, I specially called up Hsuehwen, Hsuefen, Youching and Youmei to ask them if they remember the above story. They all said as if to prior agreement, forget remembering – the story was simply ingrained in their bones, impossible to forget. Relating this adventure, everyone elatedly recounted the pouring rain, shivering cold, impending dark, and sense of anxiety and comfort. What moved me most was that Youmei, who at the time was only 5 or 6 years old, to this day recalls the incident in vivid detail; She remembers she didn’t complain a single word for the seven or eight hours she sat on the back seat of Hsinfu Chung’s bike, and amidst the pouring rain she still leisurely observed the water gurgling past her feet, not nervous at all but patient and clear-headed. Her memory is truly remarkable! How precious and curious it is for us all to be alive discussing our collective memories of half a century ago! Those irretrievable joyous times of adolescence are worth more than gold could buy.

 

4. Hardships and Challenges

People are born in pain and struggle. Life’s path too is full of hardship and challenges.

The first challenge high school graduates had to face was the college entrance examination – a test focusing on memory, memorization, and good guesses. In those years, the competition on the examinations was especially intense. Those living in the south or in remote areas often were disadvantaged because they lacked up to date information; on top of that, the testing locations were often far away, and transportation was not developed. Thus, our rate of college entrance lagged behind the urban centers. If we didn’t overcome this first obstacle everything would be more difficult down the line. Though we had both been admitted directly into high school without an entrance exam because of top grades in middle school, because of circumstantial deficiencies, we both missed the mark and didn’t get into the most prestigious schools, and were both discarded into the Physics Department of Chung Yuan Christian University and Foreign Languages Department of Tamkang University, both private schools (in Taiwan private universities are generally less prestigious and more expensive than public ones). We were very disappointed and hurt. There were eight kids in my family; with my father working in finance, we could still scrape by economically. Yudy’s family had six children; her father had an upright an honest personality, unwilling to partake in corruption, so he was sidelined to a mountain village as head of a construction project. Though he was the “boss,” his income was not high, and they had no fixed assets. He was usually stretched to the limit with too many things to take care of. She barely pieced her way through her first semester, but by the second semester she had no way to continue. With no leeway for choice, she went back home with no support but her family – unlike her classmate Chungcheng Hsu 許忠政 (now the chairman of Hsu’s Ginseng) who was able to transfer to the elite National Taiwan University (NTU), or Lanchun Huang 黃蘭君 (daughter of political celebrity Chaotsin Huang 黃朝琴) who did not have to worry about the expensive tuition. Without an outstanding family background or a higher education, on top of societal discrimination towards women, finding an ideal profession in a small town was next to impossible. In this isolated state, she found some less than ideal jobs, like doing accounting for Pingtung Watermelon King, making print copies of homework for a cram school, as a substitute elementary school teacher, and as a broadcaster for Pintung People’s Radio Station (she was only chosen for this position owing to an elementary school teacher’s recommendation and having been the champion for several speech competitions in school). After some time, she decided this uncreative work where she was dependent on the will of others did not suit her interests. She wanted to start her own business according to her own talents. When she told her father she wanted to study tailoring, her father said furiously, “If we knew you wanted to do women’s work, primary school would have been enough!” But he couldn’t think of a better option. She firmly believed she was not destined for poverty – as long as she had confidence, wisdom, and perseverance she could certainly forge a road for herself. So, she resolved to rely on herself and take on the world. With no money to go to tailoring school, she ordered Chinese and Japanese magazines and professional books about tailoring from a bookstore to study on her own. When she had questions about theory or techniques, she would ask a nearby female master seamstress, and when she struggled reading Japanese, she asked her mother. Using the dinner table as a sewing table, she tore up old clothing to investigate their structure and stitches. She cut up old newspapers to make designs and moved an antique sewing machine into the living room to practice making jerseys. With dedicated practice night and day, traversing on her own with no teacher, she boldly opened the “Yimei Tailor House” to make a living. Tailoring masters of the time came in droves to see her. When they saw how small and humble the shop some expressed indignantly, “How come someone as excellent as you is working in a place like this? How pitiful and heartbreaking!” Yudy replied, “Thank you all for your concern. Though I am poor, I will certainly not give up a thread of hope. I need you concern and encouragement, but I am certainly not pitiful. With hard work I will certainly not disappoint anyone.” Yudy stood by “serving with integrity” (that is, honesty, creditworthiness, a joyful spirit, and serving others) as the mission statement for the first step of starting a business. Though she was young and inexperienced she was very serious in her work, not at all careless – she always perfected her work to the best of her abilities to make customers go home satisfied. For example, it was popular in those days to wear pleated skirts. These skirts required professionalism, meticulous care, and patience to make. In other words, before even starting, the plan had to be precise and the ironing work had to be sophisticated, otherwise one mistake would wreck the whole piece. In those days flat irons were heated with charcoal, not electricity, which was very inconvenient. And in Pingtung the sun was hot and their storefront small. It was very musty and hot. It took several hours to finish ironing one piece – afterwards she’s often be sweating head to toe. It was hard to bear. Only Yudy was willing to do such arduous work. She once set the record for completing five pieces in a day and became renown near and far. And so, after several years of dismal business, the shop gradually began flourishing. Finally, she could hold her head high and stand on her own.

At Chung Yuan University, though my academic performance was quite good, I was not very interested in Physics and considered myself to not have any noteworthy merit. Furthermore, Youli and I were far apart and it was painful to not see her often. As such, I decided to change directions and retest; I was accepted into the Foreign Languages Department at National Cheng Kung University. Though I was interested in literature, I had no special interest or talent for foreign languages. My reason for selecting Chung Kung was primarily because I liked to roam in free and open spaces and did not like my life to revolve around one small room. To be honest, in my bones it was also because I wanted to be close to Yu! Thinking back, I was truly crazy then. Yet, if not for that choice then, what would life be like now? We were happy with our decisions with no regrets.

People say that “graduation means unemployment.” As for me, I was hired right after graduation, planted right into the hand of a friend. When I was about to be released from my year of mandatory military service, Lao Chung, who was a year below me at the university, came running to me asking for help. He was afraid that he would not pass a required course and would not be able to graduate. His wife was about to give birth, and there was a good job available for him in Taipei. The consequences of not graduating were too great; he hoped I could speak to the professor who I was familiar with. We were not very tight friends but had once been on the same baseball team – I couldn’t stand by and do nothing. Not long after, Lao Chung ran up to thank me, telling me he had graduated and was to go to Taipei immediately to go to work. He also said his interpersonal network was very good and he could certainly help me find a good job.  He urged me not to stay in a small town where there was no future. Sure enough, I soon got a letter from him asking for my records and telling me to prepare – soon there would be a job.

I had always been very honest and very trusting of my friends. I had no doubt whatsoever towards Lao Chung, who had no conflicts of interest. Yet my parents who had always had complete trust in me could not keep watching silently, so they asked me to go to Taipei in person to verify. Sure enough, I could neither find the company nor Lao Chung – it was all a scam. (For details, please read The First Life Lesson from my book Love Without Tears 「有愛無淚」). Just when I was feeling the most lost, I ran into my former advisor Chunsheng Chu 朱春生by chance on the road. When he found about my situation, he proactively recommended me to the principle and dean (thank God no one asked me for bribe money – I did not even no such a thing existed in the world then).  Allow me to first jump ahead: I served as a teacher at my alma matter Ping Tung Hugh School for three years. In those three years I completed three great things in life: 1. I got married with Yudy Chang whom I had been dating for ten years. 2. We had a girl and a boy. 3, I arrived in the United States for study abroad.

 

5. Leaving Taiwan, Living in the United States

A tree growing in a greenhouse is not growing tall? Why not study abroad!

Taiwan was politically closed off in the 60s. The tide of exchange students was just rising. College graduates, rich or poor, outstanding or mediocre, all wanted to go abroad. I was no exception, of course.

Yet for humanities, law, and social sciences students， “studying abroad” (liuxue 留學) was synonymous with “bleeding” (liuxue 流血) because scholarships were meager where they were available at all, coursework was difficult, and earnings were slim for long working hours. I studied at the University of North Carolina (UNC), the first public university in the US (founded in 1795). The tuition was less expensive, but as an out-of-state student I had to pay three times what local students did. The 3000 USD I had laboriously saved up (my monthly salary as a teacher in Pingtung was only 900 TWD, or 30USD. The 3000 dollars came from cutting down on food and clothing expenditures, earning extra cash at cram schools, and contributions from my father and elder brother) was only enough to support me for a year at most, yet the university wanted me to pay for two years in one breath.

I had come to study social work and had to complete 54 credits. I pinched my money and coming to terms with my situations I asked the school to take a leave for a year to go to New York to work (“bleed”) with Chengchien Lin 林正堅, an old classmate and honorary brother. I was fortunate not to be forced into a greasy and hazy restaurant full of noisy chatter as a dish washer, but to find work in an upscale Japanese gift shop. Yet I had to stand for 8 hours a day, and after work I had to rush to class (to get my I-20 visa), and after class I had to ride the subway for 30 minutes and walk for 10 more to get home. It was often after 10 pm by the time I got home, and I would be starving and on the brink of collapse. And I still had to wash and cook rice, wash cut and cook vegetables etc etc. After that I could relax and chat with my roommates and pay homage to my stomach.  If I had leftover energy after this I would write in my diary, tirades of longing or of bitterness. The four of us rented an apartment in Brooklyn, a poorer district of Ney York. The landlord was miserly and mean – in the depth of winter he would not turn on the heater if the inside temperature was over 50 degrees Fahrenheit. Coming from tropical Asia, for us this felt just like living in an ice box. Those times made us realize the truth of an aphorism: “marry someone who makes you happy, regardless of their money” (有錢無錢娶某好過年). Yet in that situation, what did four distressed bachelors lose besides having cold and dry feet?

 

6. Winter Ends, Spring Dawns

Just as I was facing these living difficulties and my emotional state was very poor, I suddenly discovered there were two “angels” living upstairs from us – Dr. Liuchiang Chen 陳柳江 and his wife Meihe Hong 洪美和. Not only did they often take care of us, but also often took us out to buy daily supplies and took us to Dr. Hua Hsu’s house in New Jersey on the weekends for weekly worship. There we met Dr. Huashan Lin 林華山and his wife Bichu Liu 劉碧珠 as well as a whole group of respectable Christians. I was moved to get baptized. What was most unforgettable was when I was to return to UNC, Dr. Liuchiang Chen offered to take a leave and drive me down with his pregnant wife Meihe Hong (picture #2) to help me get settled.  Half a year later they found out Yudy was to come to the US to reunite with me, and they selflessly gave me the car they had driven me down with; having no car was like having no feet – going to class and work was a challenge. 40 years later, when we speak of their care and friendship, we cannot help but get moist eyes feel immense gratitude.

In 1971, when Yudy was able to come to the US early it was thanks to the reformed policy for overseas students with families – it was changed from a two year wait to a one year wait. When I picked her up at the airport, she had only $5 and was terribly thin. I was full of pity and regrets. It had really been too much for her to work while raising two small children these past one or two years. I would never have thought, on her second day in the States she was adamant to go look for work as a nanny to earn extra money. She said before she came people urged her not to come lest she increase my economic burden; she wanted to prove she hadn’t come just to live an easy life.  She immediately started learning to drive and got her drivers license within two or three weeks. Following this, she drove around the area looking for work. She said she found one position that seemed to suit her well, but because her English was not great she was afraid she would not be chosen. We decided to both go to the boss and tell him she had all the necessary skills but only struggled with English; if he allowed her to work for free one week, she would leave in her own accord if it didn’t work out. In the end, the young boss, Ralph, came running out smiling when I came to pick up Yudy and said she was just the right first pattern maker he had been looking for. She didn’t need to interview; she could start work the next day. A similar situation happened over and over in the next few years – as soon as she tried out for a new position, they would not let her leave. We did not want to leave our kids alone for long, so we hoped to bring them over with their grandmother who was taking care of them. To meet this goal, after I got out of class and Yudy got off work, we both rushed off again to a restaurant to work as a host and to a suit shop to adjust clothing, respectively. We arrived home at about 10 pm, after which Yudy would prepare breakfast and lunch for the following day and I would do homework until late at night. And so, working tirelessly day and night, my mother-in-law was finally able to bring the kids and fly over the sea to reunite with us in January 1972. (My mother-in-law had always been modest, polite, frugal, and hard working. She kept her home neat and tidy with nothing out of place. She had never been far from her home, and didn’t understand any English, yet was still able to bring the two kids to the States. Then, from entirely illiterate in English she became a teacher for her grandchildren of the 26 letters of the alphabet. And at the old age of 80 she passed the naturalization exam to become a US citizen. She is truly admirable).

 

7. Doing Social Work

On May 15, 1972, on the day after my graduation ceremony, I reported to the Caswell Center for mental retardation (MR) in the small town of Kinston in eastern North Carolina to begin as a social worker. This had long been my expectation for myself – to spend the core years of my life serving the most disadvantaged and helpless. North Carolina had four MR centers, accommodating mentally handicapped people with low IQ unable to provide for themselves. The Caswell Center was established in 1914, the largest center in North Carolina with 1800 residents, and up to 1000 employees and professionals taking care of their daily needs and relieving difficulties faced from their families and society. At first this was only done for humanitarian considerations, with no regard for human dignity or protection of human rights. It was only in 1963 that President Kennedy, out of personal experience with loved ones, established new comprehensive legal protection to provide for these unfortunate, abandoned, and forgotten people (up to 6% of the population). After this, the treatment of disabled people was overwhelmingly reformed. This was the first time in my life I had seen so many mentally disabled people living in one place, and I admired Americans for taking care of them so humanely, carefully, and generously. (The annual expenditure per person was $35,000, two or three times that of my annual salary). Their meals, clothing, housing, transportation, education, vocational training, health, and recreation were all meticulously taken care of, more plentiful than the child of an average family would ever receive, and a world apart from those pitiable mentally retarded people I had seen before in Taiwan – locked up by themselves in dark and dirty dungeon-like rooms, eating leftover foods, and facing humiliation wherever they went. But now the government wanted to treat them like normal people, to resect and educate them, to train them so that they could return to everyday society and have families of their own. In accord with government policy as well as family and societal expectations, I took great care of them as if they were my own children and brothers, and through countless patient interactions and conversations, gradually dissipated their isolation from their families and society so they could merge back together. Whenever I saw these children and brothers with their innocent and faultless smile joyously embracing their families and being welcomingly accepted by their community, these were my happiest moments.

Six years later, in order to give our children a more suitable educational environment, we decided to move to the cultural, political, and economic capital of North Carolina – Raleigh, which was also a hotspot for Taiwanese immigrants. In a touching farewell meeting, my boss and colleagues gave me a lot of comfort; they said I must be the first foreign social worker in the history of Caldwell to bring so many residents, families, and society closer together – how had I done this? I answered shyly, “it must be my courage and my loving heart!”

 

8. Setbacks in Applying for a Green Card

To be able to work in the United States long term, foreign students had to attain permanent residency. I had an 18-month internship period at Caswell, but it was said it was difficult for foreign social workers to apply for permanent residency. So, we heeded a lawyer’s advice and applied for a green card using Yudy’s profession. At first everything went to plan, but during our interview we were dealt a setback because Yudy had changed her position along with me and already left the employer she had originally applied for. We were disappointed and at a loss. Because of this, Yudy had no choice but to apply again. In the small town of Kingston it seemed there were no opportunities, so she was left to travel 95 miles to Durham for work, leaving home every week Monday through Friday; it was a wearing state. Fortunately, a friend helped out to make it more convenient, and we continued like that for 6 months. One day we found a green card in our mailbox as if it had fallen out of the sky. We were overjoyed, could’ve leapt a mile. Finally, we could stay forever in the beautiful country that had educated us and brought us fortune.  When Yudy handed in her resignation, her boss Walker had just found out about her true situation and was moved and admiring to no end. He was sad to see Yudy go, because she was the best helper and tailor he’d worked with in decades. It’s strange in retrospect, how 6 months ago we were searching for a different place and accidentally hit the mark in finding this black man Walker because we bought the wrong newspaper. We never though Walker would be so enthusiastic in helping us apply for a green card. He not only changed our fate, but also inadvertently guided her into her career as a professional clothing adjuster. What could it be but God’s grace and guidance!

When Yudy returned to Kinston I thought up a plan to get her a job at the center’s sewing department, but the manager Kennedy pushed and pulled and did not accept her. So, she first got a job as a care worker. One day, when playing tennis with the center’s Peruvian superintendent, he asked about Yudy and I answered truthfully. Hearing this he said, “I have heard of Yudy’s talents. She has truly been placed in the wrong position; I will take care of this.” Sure enough, a few days later Yudy was notified she could immediately start work in the sewing department. A few days later, Kennedy called me and said, “Yudy is truly talented and hard-working, she is an indispensable resource.” I joked in response, “Didn’t you say her English wouldn’t do and you couldn’t hire her?” She said awkwardly, “Don’t be like that. Now there is no problem whatsoever.”

From then on Yudy was like her own pair of hands, and she handed all work designing clothes for special body types or other difficult tasks over to her to solve. She came to treasure Yudy like her own daughter and wanted to send her to a state university for further studies. When Yudy decline because the university was too far away, Kennedy helped her apply for the first ever state title of designer from North Carolina and provided her with her own office complete with heating and air conditioning. Five year later when we decided to leave and take on the rest of the world, Kennedy considerately brought some clothes and $200 in cash, saying, “I believe someone as talented as you will certainly be successful. This is just a small token to send you off to open your own business, and wish you the best with everything.” She hugged us both tightly, very sad to see us go. She came to see us often when she was free from then on, and when we went to the beach, we’d stop by to see her on the way. We continued to care for each other and visit until she passed away. Thanks to her blessing, Yudy’s business had a steady stream of customers from day one, just like when she started her business in Pingtung. I believe she must be proud up there in heaven. Coming from far off Taiwan to the States, how wonderful that we could forge such a deep friendship with her!

 

9. A New Job, a New Business

My new position was at the Murdoch Center, second in scale to the Caswell Center, housing about 1000 people. When it was first built it was used for quarantining and built in a remote country area. I was assigned to the mentally disabled and blind ward, so the management work was more complicated and challenging, but because the facilities were very comprehensive, and workers were caring we were all happy. For instance, when S first came to the center, perhaps because she was very active yet could not see, her mood was unstable and she often caused trouble – just like the famous Hellen Keller who was deaf blind and dumb as a child and consequentially often angry with no apparent reason, she was very difficult to take care of. But one day she was unexpectedly overwhelmed by a toy piano, and with no teacher she began to ceaselessly produce wonderous music. Everyone was surprised, and she was so happy she was bouncing up and down and shouting for joy. From then on it was like she was possessed with her love of music, loudly playing the piano and singing her songs every day in the music room (she looked just like a famous performer, though her music was difficult to understand and her words unclear). One day we brought this pianist worthy of the title of “genius” to perform on television, and she became a celebrity. S’s IQ was not high, and her speech was sometimes incomprehensible. She often could not express herself in words, and when she spoke, she would often rock her body back and forth, or grasp or feel for other people. Once she grabbed my hand with one hand and with the other she patted my face, saying with such a sincere, pure and soft manner, “I love you.” I was momentarily stunned and moved for a long time. How could one claim the mentally disabled have no intuition, no emotion, and no merits? Working with the mentally retarded for over ten years, I am deeply touched by their innocent nature and lovely humanity, often exceeding that of normal people! At this point I can’t help but think of my cousin who became mentally retarded at a young age due to a high fever. She had her own magic – when she spoke it sounded a bit silly and dim-witted, but as soon as somebody misplaced something, she would quickly find the item or point it out. People said she could work as a detective helping the police find stolen items. After 10 years in the US, I went back to Taiwan for the first time – when I arrived at home, the first person I saw was my cousin. My family told me she hadn’t come to our house for a long time, but on that day she suddenly appeared and kept saying, “Shala (my Japanese name) is coming!” Nobody had seen her or told her, so how did she know? In years to come, this kind of thing kept happening all the way up until she died – truly mysterious. Yet what was most puzzling was she only had this perception towards me and my little sister Hsuehwen. Was it because when she was little us two had cared for her the most so we’d become spiritually connected? At Caswell, there was one resident who was just over 30 who could name without thinking what day of the week any random date was – he was infallibly accurate. Later we sent him to Arizona State University for research. There are geniuses among the mentally disabled, or perhaps there are mentally disabled people among geniuses? The creator is truly amazing!

Yudy had worked uninterrupted since her first day in the States until 1978 when we moved to Raleigh. It had all been as an employee to others, though, never as her own business owner. But was starting a business easier said than done? In addition to financial and human resources, sometimes you also need luck. We had already been searching for a long time for cheap and accessible storefront with no luck. One day, we were strolling in a small mall and ran into an inconspicuously dressed middle aged worker. When he found out about our intention and our difficulties, he guaranteed us in a week we would have a storefront here. After a deeper discussion we found out he was the owner of the mall and had a good impression of people coming from Taiwan, considering them to be thrifty and honest. Sure enough, he kept his promise – it was at the end of a corridor, with a cloth-lined glass wall surrounded by two simple wooden walls, enclosing a 298-foot small shop with no roof for Yudy to rent. Two weeks later, Yudy charged full steam ahead into her new post – founding what was to become the largest clothing alteration business in North Carolina

After serving the North Carolina state government for 10 years, I followed Yudy’s request to join full time in the clothing alterations business, because she had become so busy she could barely pause to catch a breath. Before this, except for helping out with trivialities on evenings and weekends, I had little knowledge or experience of doing business. Remembering just one Taiwanese phrase “Learn from past examples, and if there are none create your own.” Relying on just courage and a mind full of strange thoughts, with a strong rock to lean on I began to rampage about. I attempted to uphold the mission of “serving with integrity,” plus the slogan of “better, quicker, cheaper.” I learned and grew continuously until we were eight times the size of the original storefront and added men’s clothing to our repertoire. Next, we bought a piece of land in front of the mall and built a 3500 foot all brick standalone store, also adding a drycleaner. Then we added two clothing adjustments stores and one drycleaner in Raleigh in the north and Gardner in the west. Besides the general public, our customers also included several large department stores like Hudson Belk, J.C. Penny’s, Nostrum, and Banana Republic, as well as some specialty shops for high schools and universities. New commissions arrived without rest. On some days we drove around from our own shops to those stores and schools, driving over 100 miles a day. During this period, the largest-scale magazine in North Carolina, Spectator, published a yearly review by citizens of the service of various industries starting in 1985; from the first year we continuously won “Best Tailor Shop in The Triangle.” We were frequently in the papers, unwittingly increasing our fame. News Observer, the largest newspaper in North Carolina, published several reports praising Yudy as a talented, industrious and well-received seamstress and designer: “dropped out of college, self-educated, often working on her own from morning till night with no rest during the busiest seasons”; “the shop business is booming with people from all walks of life, including the most outstanding men’s and women’s national championship basketball coaches Jim Valvano and Kay Yow as well as North Carolina wealthy tycoons Jim Goodnight and Walter Davies”; “she has 5 stores and 50 employees”…

In our 30 years of business, like all entrepreneurs, we experienced bad times and good, tough and stressful years and joyous flourishing ones. Here, I have chosen only a few positive and interesting stories to share with everyone!

There was a little boy who for several years every time he followed his mother into the shop would grab a broom and volunteer to start sweeping the floor; he said he hoped to work here when he grew up. Later, he disappeared with no trace. Then one time a stalky youth walked into the store and called, “Where is the broom?” We were baffled, the heard him laugh and say he was the boy who used to come often and sweep the floor. On this day he had just returned from out of state to see his family and stopped to see his “old friends” he often missed.

A Taiwanese couple thanked us every time they saw us for nannying their daughter early on. “Nannying? What do you mean?” They laughed and said, of course, because their daughter used to often run around with a group of shady classmates after school, up until she started working at our store and her life became more regulated and purposeful, it was us who looked after her, and transformed her outlook.

For a time, men all wanted their ties narrowed. One customer happily whistled every time he came, bearing five or six ties to adjust. Within a year he must have had at least 100 ties adjusted. Whenever we heard whistling, we knew he must have come back and should go greet our God of Wealth.

Bedlack was a famous neurologist at Duke University. He was very particular about his clothing, often ordering expensive clothes from Italy. When the dimensions were not quite right, he brought the clothes to our store for correction, and came back on time a couple days later to try them. He took an item and inspected it meticulously then carefully tried it on. Nodding at the mirror he said, “Perfect!” then with a curious smile to us, “Has this really been adjusted? How come there are no traces? How can such a complex exquisite design appear as the original, so seamless!” He took out a tip and wanted to reward Yudy, but she refused, saying she never accepted tips. The only exception was when Walter Davies came back from Texas for the first time with four boxes full of clothes, and insisted on giving a $200 tip when the clothes had all been altered. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, so we took the tip and shared it with our employees. Dr. Bedlack respected our wish, but later invited us to a pool party with friends at his estate. From then on, we became fast friends who shared everything.

Walter Davies was a legend who has made his fortune transporting oil. He was born in poverty and had only high school education. He was tall and fat, so it was hard for him to find suitable clothing. He was very approachable, generous, and enthusiastic. He single-handedly donated funds to the University of North Carolina (UNC) to build a 10-story library. When he had time he often came to our store or invited us and our daughter, son-in-law and grandson to his home or a restaurant to chat and eat. Sometimes, he spuriously asked us what we would like to say to President Bush Sr. because he was to go to the White House and meet him. I told him, please let him know he should treat Taiwan well, he should not sell out Taiwan. And three times he gave us a dozen tickets in total for special seats hard to come by at UNC basketball and soccer games (the most central seats in the first row – I’d heard only the biggest donors had the honor of sitting here); we and our friends enjoyed high class treatment we’d never experienced before, for instance, avoiding traffic with a special car lane and parking space, valet service, and free food and drink service. (He often said if we needed tickets, we could ask any time, but we were usually too embarrassed to ask). The most unforgettable instance was when he invited us to his home Midland, Texas (Note: according to a recent report, this is the 7^th wealthiest district in the US). He picked us up personally from the airport in his car and drove us around sightseeing, including the place where he had once made his fortune, the old residence of President Bush Sr. We stopped at a gas station and he went in to pay, but it was a long time before he came out and apologized saying his driver was off work today and forgot to pump gas, and he had gone out without his wallet, and the gas station employee didn’t know him because he had never come to get gas before. Half an eternity later, the employee finally understood who I was and let me take the bill. We wanted to go in to pay the bill, but Walter Davies insisted we shouldn’t – he sighed, “I don’t recall ever owing anybody money, this must be my first time ever, who would have thought!” We felt very sorry for this tycoon descended to face such trivial troubles. In 2008, I was elected as the president of the Taiwanese American Pen Club. In order to contact and solicit the organization’s members Yudy and I planned to drive around the whole country, starting in southern California. We followed the state highway of I-10 to just south of Midland when we suddenly received a call from our friend Sechiao Chen 陳色嬌in North Carolina saying that Walter Davies had passed away yesterday. We froze – what kind of coincidence was this that we heard news of his passing as we approached his home, as if he had come to say goodbye in person. We could not help but slow to a stop. In a thousand years we never expected that as we ended our business, he too ended his life. We loved him sincerely and will always miss him, especially his great personality traits of kindness, humility, and generosity.

When we closed our business, I asked Yudy what her greatest takeaway about life and business was.

She said her greatest reflection on life was the words my mother had said to her personally, “Yudy, your temper is good, very calm and quiet, and you take your tasks very seriously, a hard worker and a great daughter-in-law.” These words expelled a fear she’d held for many years – that a poor daughter-in-law couldn’t win the heart of her mother-in-law.

Walter Davies once said to her in public, “You are talented, earnest, and honest. You have chosen the right path and your business will certainly succeed.” These words affirmed the correctness of the difficult choice we made back then.

 

10. A Happy Life

When you are happy, the happiness of others is your greatest joy.

We are just ordinary people with no great successes, but we are happy and satisfied, and to our best to share this with people around us.

In our 20 years of growing up in Taiwan, we were lucky to have many happy times in our youth. We both had many good friends whom we liked and who also liked us, and who chose us both as class presidents. We did our best to serve them and they were satisfied enough to continue to choose us as class president. After graduating and completing my year of military service, I returned to my alma mater Ping Tung High School, and served as a teacher and advisor for three years. I loved my students – they were very cooperative too, often winning the school award for orderliness and cleanliness. After 40 years I am still in touch with some of those students.

Our 30 plus years in North Carolina was our golden period of maturation:

We are proud our two children had a happy childhood, a good education, beautiful families, stable careers, and made contributions to the church and society. (Our daughter and son-in-law already had three children, but decided to adopt three more girls and a boy, and home-schooled them all). Our business grew, the employees were satisfied, and society affirmed and supported us. Besides all this I have served as the eighth President of the Taiwanese Association of America, the third spokesperson of the Southeast Taiwanese Summer Conference, President of the creative association of the North Carolina Taiwan Chamber of Commerce, creating theTaiwan News newsletter which has now been running for 30 years. Though my ability and my contributions have limits, I commit myself to the best of my abilities and am proud of what I have done.

 

11. Depending on each other and spending the rest of our lives together

As our kids graduated from college and moved out, we started to gradually downsize to prepare for retirement, cutting the size of our house in half. A few years later we cut in half again. Once we moved to LWV we had no more private land, and our house was just a two-bedroom two bath 1300 square foot place with a living room, a dining room, and an office, and only basic furniture. But we felt this was enough for us – comfortable and plentiful. Around our house, a professional gardener took care of the flowers and trees, and in the community there were all kinds of recreational activities. We had all we could ask for, access was convenient and controlled and the area was very safe and peaceful. There are two to three hundred fellow Taiwanese within four square miles – it is vey convenient to meet up. Close to the neighborhood there is a hospital and all sorts of businesses and restaurants to satisfy every need. We are early to bed and early to rise, with an orderly life. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday in the mornings we go to Taiji class for 70 minutes each time, and on Wednesday we go to an additional two-hour class for seniors from an expert scholar.  In the evenings we go to bible study. We worship at a Taiwanese language church on Sundays and see friends. We also practice with a chorus for two and a half hours a week (I have stopped recently for being too busy). We play ping pong and golf five or six times a week. Otherwise, we meet up with friends, talk, eat, play cards, go for walks, and travel, which keeps us busy in our leisure time. Indeed, we are busier that when we were working, and time is flying. There is simply no time for illness or depression – that is how happy we are. Besides this we each have our own hobbies and activities. For instance, Yudy has taken up the piano on her own (she didn’t have this opportunity throughout her life due to poverty and busy work), and she watches her own TV programs; she also often goes to the sewing room to work on her own creations, all truly chic and beautiful. Everyone praises her hats, bags, decorative cloths and accessories which she makes for us or as gifts. She says when she was running a store she never made this kind of thing because of lack of time, but now in retirement and with good health, she can make what she pleases – it could be her happiest time in life. As for the time I spend at home by myself, most of it is spent with my three gadgets: my phone (for conversations), TV (for watching Taiwanese film and television channels), and my computer (for email or writing), or reclining on the couch or the bed reading books I enjoy or simply daydreaming. I published a book in July 2006, Love Without Tears (「有愛無淚」) – because it was well received it was republished the following April. I also continue to write for the Pacific Times, Taiwan Tribune, and other magazines.

In 2008 we moved into Laguna Woods Village (LWV) and began to preach to all about this “heaven on earth,” not expecting to receive such a huge reaction from our fellow Taiwanese. As of today, two or three hundred Taiwanese have moved here, making this most concentrated and most famous Taiwanese American retirement village, and counting. My greatest wishes from here on out is to live a free and care-free life, to continue to write, and to convene with Taiwanese Americans, to leave behind historical footprints for this outstanding population which has crossed over the sea.

 

Ode of Gratitude

After a life of bitter rain and spring gusts,

In old age I retreat to quaint mountains and lakes.

With piano notes, sewing needle, and writing pen,

Together we enjoy the sunset in life-long trust.

 

Source: Ken Lee  2-14/10/30

 

Translated from 174. 我倆的故事-李彥禎和張由吏/李彥禎/2014/11 by Sky Ford

Posted on 1/11/2020