恩澤滋潤無常人生 Philanthropy Moisturizes Roughness in Life

作者林天德 Tender Lin

在我一生中，受到的恩澤無以計數，但其中卻以來自Norma的最叫我難以忘懷。因此今年在開車往聖地牙哥女兒家過感恩節之前，我告訴太太和兒子，路經洛杉磯時，我一定要去見Norma。不這樣做，我會給我自己過意不去，也會覺得我並不在過感恩節！去年在感恩節前，我曾打電話要去見她，卻臨前因不敢開遠路而沒去成。今年兒子開車，我央求他一道去，這樣才會疏解我心中的一團宿願。

我之所以對Norma特別感恩，應和當時的時空背景有關：我的無助、她對我無條件的幫助、和她的孤單意願。我離鄉背井，在美國異地求生，自然而然渴望能有個避難所。一九六四年，我到密蘇里州立東北師院就讀時，除了和幾個來自台灣和香港的同學有所來往之外，也努力結交些美國當地的學生。可是除了在語言上的障礙外，性格、風俗、和習性上的不同調，叫我難以建立可靠的朋友關係。我相信其他外國學生也有跟我一樣的感覺。因此每到年節假日，學校附近關懷家庭都會邀請外國學生做客，一起歡度佳節。我參加幾次這樣的聚會，全都留給我一個溫馨的感覺。一九六六年我在該校畢業後來到洛杉磯，依然形單影隻又缺錢，只好打工謀生。一年後，入加大（UCLA）攻讀博士學位。在註冊當天的傳單上，我驚喜發現，住在Beverly Hills鎮上有對夫婦 (Herbert and Norma Green) 被指明是我的接待家庭（Host Family）。學校有這安排頓時喚起我在密蘇里州所感受的假日家庭歡聚，因而我告訴我自己一定不要放過這機緣。當時我約略知道Beverly Hills就在校園附近，是當時洛杉磯最有名的豪宅區，住有數不清的電影明星和來自阿拉伯的石油大亨。我真高興有這天上掉下來的禮物！

在入學後，我就和Green家取得了聯繫，也找到了他們的住處，接者也從他們口中得知他們除了我之外，也接待一位來自日本的男生。Green家和附近住宅比起來，不算毫華但有個游泳池。屋內佔地大約三千英尺，屋外庭園花草都整理得別緻，對剛來美國不久的我來說，它自是形同天堂。此外，我內心更是羨慕她家養的那隻小狗寵物Alphi。Green家只有一女兒，可惜我只見過她一或兩次面，因她那時就讀柏克萊加大一年級，住在北加州。不知怎麼搞的，在我剛認識他們的幾個月內，Green夫婦就鬧離婚，就不見Herbert的蹤影了。對此我感到惋惜，但也不好意思去問。

看來Norma並不因婚姻上的錯折，而改變充當「接待家庭」的初衷。我跟她繼續保持聯繫，她也形同我的乾媽，然我可從未跟她借過錢或任何東西。在認識一年後，即一九六八年初，我迫於情況，出其不意地告訴她，我要跟一位日本小姐結婚。她那時一聲也沒反對，就幫我全權安排一切結婚事誼，諸如禮服和結婚用的教堂和牧師等（圖一）、並以她家客廳做為款待參與婚禮的來客（圖二）。這些結婚事誼在當時，我可說一切都不清楚，事後也沒問她為我花了多少錢。我那時只想她既然樂意，我也就覺沒必要去問，心存感激就是啦。

可喜的是，又過一年半後，即一九七○年十一月，Norma宣佈要跟一位名叫Jim 的男伙伴結婚。儀式也就在她家舉行，而我充當新郎的男伴（best man，圖三）。這婚禮可說一切簡單，說算就算。雖然Norma看來可能比新郎年紀大些，但因他們是作曲上的舊識，我也渴望是良緣一對。可是不幸的，這婚姻在半年後也解散了，James也不見了。這下子又叫我為Norma惋惜，看到她在短短三年內，歷經兩次婚姻，我心中自是感傷也莫知所以然。我可感受到她的無奈，但她卻從未訴苦，生活一切正常。每當我去造訪她時，我樂見她身旁偶有男同事也有家傭，居家也優雅淨緻如常，就沒有什麼心理壓力了。

然生活可真無常，隔年一九七一年夏末，我離開洛杉磯，到美國東南海岸的邁亞密社區學院就職，如是斷絕了來往。只在十四年後，即一九八五年，我才再見過她一次面。那時我是到洛杉磯參加心理學會的年會，順道去看她，也在不意間看到她已有一個大約初中年紀的孫女。那時Norma生活照常，依然獨居，女兒是在聖地牙哥成家立業。那次造訪，我跟她閒話家常，她還順我意招待我到「雙龍（我打工地點之一）」用餐。又過了十五年，即二○○一年，我決定搬回北加州退休，但距她還有七小時的車程，造訪還是不便，就只偶而跟她通個電話而已。因此，我這次（二○○七年十一月二十日）見到她時（圖四），我好高興地在家人面前對她說：「Norma，I’m so glad to see you. You know without you, I wouldn’t be able to get married」。她心有所感，也如是回應了我。她好高興看到我太太和我兒子。當時她還以為我兒子是她三十七年前曾見過的那個嬰兒，我告訴她那嬰兒是他的姊姊。時間過得真快，眼前的Norma已經超過八十五高齡，她說月前曾動過腦手術，如今只能坐在沙發上和我對談，真叫我感嘆她一生的孤單！假如沒有她過去給我的恩澤，那我們的見面該多乏味。

Norma生活簡單但不孤單，但無怨無悔，我反覺她始終樂觀進取，談笑自如。今天，我把一張那天在她家所拍也已洗好的相片（圖四）和耶誕卡寄給她。在卡上我寫著：「Norma. You’re the most generous person I’ve ever met. Ikuko and I will always remember you. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Tien (12/4/07)」。回想起過去她和我的半生，真是恩澤滋潤我們之間無常的人生。

In my life I have numerous encounters of kindliness from others. The one that I got from Norma was the most memorable. I told my family that on our way to Meilee’s place for Thanksgiving, I would like to stop by Norma’s place. If I did not pay the visit, I would be very sorry of myself and even felt that I am not celebrating Thanksgiving. Last year, I did call Norma that I wanted to see her but I missed it. It is because that I was afraid to drive down there by myself and I gave up my plan. This year, my son, Daniel, is going to drive. I asked him to go along to Norma’s place. Without doing this, my deep desire won’t be satisfied.

The reason that I felt so much gratitude to her might have something to with the circumstance at the time. I was relatively helpless foreign student and she rendered unconditional help with her own initiative alone. In a sense, she offered me an asylum that I longed for. Here is the background. In 1964, I came to United States and studied at Northeast Missouri State Teachers College. In addition to associate with few students from Taiwan and Hong Kong, I actively found way to make friends with American students. Probably due to my handicap in English and the differences in personality and culture, I found it hard to have close relationship with them. I believe other foreign students got same feelings like me. Therefore, when there is a holiday, local loving families would invite foreign students to their home to celebrate holidays with them. I participated in few of them and all gave me a very sweet memory. In 1966, I graduated and moved to Los Angeles. I worked for one year and then entered UCLA for my doctoral study. At the day of registration, I was given a host family of Herbert and Norma Green who are living at Beverly Hills. At the time, I knew Beverly Hills is right next to UCLA. It was a highly prestigious and rich community. A lot of movie stars and Arab oil tycoons were living there. I was so happy to receive this gift from the sky.

Upon attending UCLA, I soon made contact with my host family and learned of their address. At the time, they told me that they also hosted a Japanese student besides me. As compared with other houses in Beverly Hill, I would not say that the Green’s house is a luxury house. It has about 3,000 square feet with a swimming pool. Its beautiful and neat yard is full of shrubs and flowers. For someone like me who just recently came to United States, it surely is a heavenly paradise and I was fond of their pet dog named Alphi too. They have a daughter who was a freshman at University of California at Berkeley. I only saw her one or twice. Soon one sad thing happened. They divorced. From that time, I only contacted with Norma. I felt so sorry but I was afraid to ask her why.

Norma did not change her mind as host family because of marital breakup. We continued contacts and she acted just like my substitute mother. However, I never asked her for any financial help. A year later, in 1968, I surprised her that I was going to get married with a Japanese girl. She did not object and went ahead to arrange crucial wedding matters such as renting tuxedo and contacting church (Picture I) and used her house as reception place (Picture II). All these matters I really knew nothing about. I did not even asked her how much I owed her afterwards. Probably I assumed that she definitely would do me a favor. I was deeply appreciated.

Another year and half passed. In November, 1970, I was so glad to hear from Norma that she is going to get married with Jim, who is her song-writing mate. The wedding ceremony was held at her house and I was the best man for groom (Picture III). It was simple but sweet, and I prayed for them. Unfortunately, this marriage dissolved half year later. I once again felt sorry for Norma. I saw her going through two marriages in three years. I really did not know what to say to her. I could feel her pain but she never showed it. She continued to live as usual. Later, I visited her and saw her having a companion and helper in her house which was well kept. I felt relieved.

However life was rough on me too. At summer, 1971, I got a job at Miami-Dade Junior College, so we got to separate. I moved out of Los Angeles. It took a long 14 years for me to see her again, that was in 1985. I attended the APA convention and visited her at my free time, and surprisingly I saw her grand daughter. Norma told me that her daughter lived in San Diego. Norma lived a single normal life. We made a special trip to have dinner at Twin Dragon where I had my part-time job in 1966. After that brief contact, it took me another 15 years to move back to Northern California for retirement. We still have hard time to see each other as there are about seven-hour driving distance. We only occasionally talked to each other on phone. Therefore, this time (11/20/07) I saw her, I was so glad. In front of my family, I said to her, “Norma, I am so glad to see you. You know without you, I wouldn’t be able to get married”. She was moved and nodded her head. She was glad to see my family. At first, she thought Daniel was the baby she saw 37 years ago. I told her that baby was his older sister. Time really went by so quick. Norma could be more than 85 years old. She had brain surgery years ago. She looked fragile and could only sit on sofa to talk with us. I deeply felt sorry for her life alone. Without her philanthropy, our seeing each other today would be stale.

Norma seems to have a simple but not lonely life. She has no gripes. Instead, I often saw her in good pose and spoke in a very elegant manner. She showed positive outlook. Today, I gave her the picture we took earlier (Picture IV) and a Christmas card. On the back of the card, I wrote “Norma. You’re the most generous person I’ve ever met. Ikuko and I will always remember you. Have a merry Christmas and a happy new year. Tien & Ikuko (12/4/07)” As I illuminated my past life with her, I deeply felt how powerful the philanthropy is. It moisturizes the roughness of life.