Regretful and Grateful
With deep regret and gratefulness I write this book. What is wandering in my mind is what St. Paul has spoken in I Tim 1:14-16:
The grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptances, that Christ Jesus came into the world to see sinners, of whom I am chief. However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all long-suffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe in Him for everlasting life.
In July 1991, temporarily insane, I made a terrible mistake, one that caused a friend of mine to disappear. It disappointed the church I served and loved. I hurt the family that I have always respected. It brought trouble upon my family and made it difficult to survive for them. As for myself, I embarked on a long life of incarceration and regret. Day and night, I cried for mercy and forgiveness from God Whom I fear, and from the people I have hurt. I felt so painful and remorseful that I would rather have buried myself.
During these hard times, some friends and pastors have supported me and encouraged me to survive in love and revive in spirit. It is so grateful for me not only to say thanks but also to rebuild myself with the love they have given to me, and the dream of making up for the harm I have done to those I love and to the victim’s family whom I have always respected. This is the reason I write this book.
I am not a composer who can write touching music to show my remorse. Nor am I a good dancer able to express the feelings inside through the dancing. I am only an inmate incarcerated in the darkness, with only a little freedom of contact with people outside. Everyday I remain in a very negative circumstance, but I still believe in what the Bible says:
Look at the birds: they do not sow seeds, gather a harvest and put it in barns; yet your Father in Heaven takes care of them! Aren’t you worth much more than birds? Can any of you live any longer by worrying about it? … Look how the wild flowers grow: they don’t work or make clothes for themselves But I tell you that not even King Solomon with all his wealth had clothes as beautiful as one of these flowers. It is God who clothes the wild grass. (Matthew 6:26-30)
I try to find something good and beautiful around me to prove this message true. I pray and meditate every moment to find it. Thank God! I find it every day and write it down. I encourage myself to go forward with the beauty and the good as they occur in the stories I read and the events I witness. It is just like the title of a book I once translated into Chinese, “Life is not fair, but God is good”，by Robert Schuller. I write what I meditated through these years, and doing so has encouraged me greatly to find the love around me and the hope before me. I believe that God will take care of the people in need and watch over them with compassion day and night, just as the Taiwanese saying goes: One blade of grass, one drop of dew.
The Woman at the Well, Ketut Lasia, Bali.
轉載自 Image Christ and Art in Asia, 1999/3