My son’s wedding
Author: 謝昭梅(夏眉)
Here’s what happened.
On that August afternoon a year ago, the weather was intolerably hot; so I thought, if we had a barbecue in the backyard, it would be great; first of all, everyone in the family loved grilled meats, second of all, it saved a lot of time and efforts (you just throw the meat onto the grill), but most importantly, I wouldn’t have to cook.
I had everything ready; the meat, the salad and the pasta; however, we waited and waited; the sun was already slanting toward the horizon, but there was no activity in the backyard. Elaine, my daughter, couldn’t wait any longer, she started whining, “Dad, I am starving; can’t you start the grill already?”
My son also piped in, “Yeah, Dad, you’re the master of the house, tending the barbecue is your job.”
My husband retorted immediately, “You are so tall and so strong, and you eat more than any of us; so you should be the one out there cooking dinner!”
My son had no choice but to carry the charcoal grill out to the backyard; he parked himself and the grill under the big, shady locust tree and started grilling.
I looked at him through the rear window, and felt a tinge of guilt.
Little did I know that this son of mine could not be trusted. The steaks were only half done when he poked his head into the house and said loudly, “Dad, can you take care of the grill? I have to go out for just a bit.”
Without waiting for any response; he rushed out, and was gone like a puff of smoke.
My husband glared at me and complained, “What a lousy idea to have a cookout! It’s all your fault!”
I responded lamely, “After all, you are the master of the house.”
He didn’t bother to reply, just walked out and stood sentry over the steaks, under that big tree. Not until an hour or so later, when the meat was done, and the sweltering heat had subsided a little, did my son come back.
I was a little miffed, so I chided him, “Where did you go? I thought you went out to get some beer, but you come home empty-handed!”
He grinned and said sweetly, “Mom, guess what? I went over to Heike’s house and proposed to her.”
What? What? What a shock!! Marriage is a huge deal, a serious matter that would affect his whole life; how could he, on the spur of the moment, while cooking grilled meat, suddenly decide to go and propose marriage to a girl?
My son laughed. “Who said it was an impulsive, on the spur of the moment idea? I have been thinking about it for a long while; I simply couldn’t pluck up my courage to act on it, that’s all.”
“Why did you suddenly find courage to propose to her this afternoon?”
“When I was tending the grill, my thoughts wandered off, I thought about this, I thought about that; and I thought about Dad’s life. All I know is, when he comes home from work in the evening, his wife and kids are there, waiting for him; and his favorite dishes are on the dinner table. On weekends, he goes out to play tennis, softball, or whatever; and when he comes home, someone will be there to massage his sore back and shoulders. His life is not too shabby; being a husband is not that tough a job. So I figure, married life is easy, I can handle it. I perked up my courage; I put down the tong and went to find Heike.”
“But what about her? Is she willing to marry you?”
My son’s face literally glowed. “Why wouldn’t she? When she realized that I was proposing to her, her knees turned to jelly; she couldn’t stand at all! She had to lean on a tree!”
That was how my son became engaged.
After the news spread out, we encountered all sort of questions from our friends and acquaintances.
“Wow! How lucky you are! Going to become parents-in-law soon, eh? You guys must be going crazy with all the preparations.’
“Not at all; we don’t have to do a thing.”
That was true. We didn’t have to do anything. Besides, the wedding was almost a year away.
Then autumn came. One night, Heike came to visit. She brought with her a huge book.
“I have been thinking, Mrs. Cheng, you and Mr. Cheng are expatriates from Taiwan; and my parents are from Germany. We are not familiar with the American customs. So I went out and bought this book; from now on, we can consult with the book whenever we encounter any details that we are not sure about. Do you think this is a good idea?”
I glanced at the tome; it was Emily Post’s book on Etiquette, and it was more than 800 pages long! My goodness! It was written in English, too!
“Heike, you don’t expect me to read this book, do you? Why don’t you just brief me on the most essential chapters and sections, and spare me the headaches?”
My future daughter-in-law was very obedient, she explained very patiently, “Generally speaking, the family of the bride is supposed to shoulder all the responsibilities of the preparation and the expenses of the wedding; the only things the groom’ family have to take care of are the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon trip.”
What a relief! So, what I heard is true; they say, to marry a son in America is the easiest thing—you don’t have to spend a lot of money; you don’t have to prepare for the wedding. In other word, you don’t have to worry about any thing!
Then Heike continued, “But nowadays, people don’t stick to the old ways anymore. I hope that, if you and Mr. Cheng have any suggestions, any opinions at all, please let us know; on the other hand, if my parents have any suggestions, they will certainly come forward and discuss the matters with you and Mr. Cheng. After all, the marriage is not just for Ed and me; it concerns both our families. For example, the invitation cards, the wordings, the color and the style; the wedding cake, what kind of flavor; the band, what kind of music to choose; the bridal gown, what style … things like those.”
My head started reeling when I heard all those nitty-gritty details of the wedding plan. I waved away the thoughts of getting myself involved in it.
“Heike, I have known you for many years, do you think I won’t be able to trust you at this juncture? I know that you and your parents will handle all the details of the wedding beautifully. My husband and I will show up on the wedding day as honored guests, full of pride and joy.”
“Since you mentioned about guests, I would like to discuss a small matter with you,” Heike said, “You know, the reception hall is quite small, it can only accommodate about 120 guests; so, I hope you and Mr. Cheng can limit your guest list to 40 people; my parents will have 40, and Ed and me will invite 40. What do you think? Is it fair?”
Only 40? How were we going to trim the guest list to 40! How many friends would we spurn? In this adopted land, all we had were friends; they had supplanted the families and friends we left in Taiwan; how could we possibly live a decent life without them? But, how could I object to the arrangement?
“Heike, good thinking; it’s fair enough,” I said.
Heike thanked me. Then, after a brief pause, she continued, “Mrs. Cheng, as you know, I am the eldest child in my family, I have two sisters and a brother after me. And, although the Emily Post book stated very clearly that the costs of the wedding banquet should be the responsibility of the bride’s family, I would loath to burden my parents with debts; besides, it would not be fair to my siblings if I incur so much expenses for my wedding. So, my thinking is, if you and Mr. Cheng don’t mind at all, may I suggest that you take care of the expenses for your guests?”
I had no brains for arithmetic at all, I had no idea how much the bills would amount to; but, I had to admit that her request was reasonable enough.
“It is fair enough,” I said to her.
“How about the 40 guests that Ed and I are going to invite?” Heike tested the water further.
I laughed. “Are you going to take the honeymoon trip?”
She nodded. “That’s for sure. But we haven’t yet decided whether to go to Japan or Hawaii.”
“In that case, we will be more than happy to pay for your honeymoon trip; as for your guests, your parents can pick up the tabs. What do you think? Is it fair?”
I had been thinking; the reason I loved Heike was because she was graceful and clear-headed; and she was sincere and straightforward in her manner.
During the year that followed, Heike kept me posted on the progress of her preparations for the wedding.
“I have selected the bouquets and the flower arrangements for the tables.”
“We have hired the photographer.”
“We have decided on the menu for the banquet.”
“We have reserved a classical band.”
“The wedding cake and the bridal gown have been taken care of.”
“The wedding chapel and the presiding minister for the ceremony have been settled.”
Every time I listened to her brief, I was filled with joy and admiration.
However, there were quite a few friends and acquaintances who pried us with some rude questions.
“Your son is going to marry a white girl? Aren’t you sad? Won’t you have regrets?”
“Why would I be sad?” I responded.
To be honest, if my son kept silent all these years, and then one day, unexpectedly, brought home a Caucasian girl, demanded that I accept this stranger to be my daughter-in-law, I would be devastated, and I would not be able to accept her. But, I had known Heike for about ten years; she and my son had been classmates in the elementary school, they had fought over grades and they had fought their boy-girl fights. Especially these past five years or so, I had seen her quite often; we dined together, we chatted and laughed together, we even traveled to France together. I could honestly say that, whenever I saw her, my heart would be filled with a kind of warmth that people only reserve for their own offspring. I no longer noticed that she had very pale and creamy complexion, that she had grayish blue eyes, that she had light brown hair. All I knew was that she was my son’s sweetheart; all I knew was that she was a kind, honest, sincere and hard-working girl. She didn’t have bad habits, such as smoking, drinking, or gambling. She was not a spendthrift. I felt very lucky that we should have such a nice girl for a daughter-in-law. Why would I feel sad just because she is of a different race, of different skin color? If I were to have a daughter-in-law who had come from my own part of the world, and could speak Taiwanese, but, who would spend hours everyday, in font of the mirror, putting on makeup, as if admiring herself were some kind of career to pursue; or, if this girl would throw temper tantrum at the least provocation; or if she would go to Atlantic City to while away her time at the blackjack table—would it be the kind of daughter-in-law I want? Would I have any regrets? You bet I would have plenty to regret!
On the day of the wedding, I thought it would be another sweltering mid-summer day. Luckily it turned out to be a lovely, pleasant, sunny day. The wedding ceremony was beautiful; it went smoothly, like a piece of light hearted piano music. It stayed in my heart, like a beautiful memory.
That night, after the banquet, the bride’s parents invited some of their friends over for a garden party. Heike took time to invite my husband and I to see her father’s rose garden.
“Mr. Cheng, Mrs. Cheng,” Heike said, “From now on, should I keep on calling you Mr. Cheng and Mrs. Cheng?”
“It is up to you”, we answered, “Whatever you feel comfortable calling us, we will take it.”
“I wanted to call you mom and dad… but it is very hard, after all these years, to change.”
“We won’t blame you; just look at us, we don’t look a bit like you.”
“But, I married Ed today; his mom and dad will be my mom and dad from now on”, Heike whispered shyly, “May I call you Mom and Dad?”
We beamed at her; we were ecstatic; we didn’t misjudge her after all. She was a sensible, level-headed girl.
“Heike”, my husband said to her, “Welcome to the Cheng family.”
源自 謝昭梅
