虧歉及感激
作者 紀福讚
寫這本冊ê時，我ê内心有講(勿會)了 ê虧歉kap感激。
使徒保羅講：「有一句話通信、通齊全接納ê，就是『基督耶穌臨到世間，欲救有罪ê人。』其中我是第一歹。若是我得著憐憫，是因為耶穌基督欲佇我這個第一歹ê人顯明伊一切ê吞忍（thun-lún），來做後來信靠伊得著永活ê人ê模樣。」這句話是我ê寫照kap逐日ê祈禱。
1991年7月，我佇精神近分裂ê狀態，犯了滔天大禍，hö至親ê朋友喪失性命，hö我所尊敬ê家族傷心擘腹（peh-pak)，hö我所盡忠ê上帝見羞，hö我所疼ê教會愚訝（gông -gián)，hö我ê某子無依無倚，hö濟濟疼惜我ê人連累受苦、失望、失眠，也開始我鎖鏈捆身，久長ê監牢中省察ê生活。
佇這内底，我有經歷著世間上深ê苦痛，也領受了濟濟人出自心底ê關懷kap實際ê幫助，hö我有講(勿會)了ê感激kap虧歉。遮ê關懷，攏是世間ê súi，親像耶穌接納罪人，摸痲瘋病人ê傷痕，hö我親像重頭生ê嬰仔，佇疼kap熬煉ê中間長大。
有4個家庭（茂澤兄、國義兄、清煌兄、良光兄），個全家大細陪阮行過人生最烏暗ê時期。差不多逐日想欲結束性命ê我，佇虧歉、見羞中看見上帝憐憫ê手。個親像上帝ê使者，hö阮破碎ê家庭閣得著完整，hö殘存ê性命猶有勇氣閣活落去。個無暝無日ê陪伴kap扶持，hö阮會當等候上帝憐憫ê日子，通見證伊疼無變ê恩典。
有一對牧師翁仔某（張子華牧師），kap阮完全無熟似，坶捌見過面。竟然抵押因tú買ê、唯一ê新厝做保釋金，hö我 會當有一年久爸時間，佇外面接受精神治療kap修補破碎ê家 庭。這款好ê撒馬利亞人ê疼，hö我相信上帝ê疼是真ê`，是超出人所料想e。
我所敬重ê受害家屬，心存寬恕，撤銷民事賠償ê告訴，hö我ê囝仔，佇拾嗎哪ê生活方式内底，猶會當喘一口氣，受好ê學校教育。Hö個猶體會會著上帝ê疼，歡喜佇教會ê服事（hòk-sãi )。這也hö我真感激，也lú加重我感覺虧歉ê心，佇這十年久無一工停止，祈求上主ê憐憫，hö這個我所敬重ê家族，心會得著安慰，回復早前喜樂服事ê模樣。這款虧歉是我一世人無法度賠償ê。
佇我過犯kap患難ê時，我也體會著一款聖法蘭西斯ê疼。這款佇暗chîn（靜）完全奉獻、關懷至微細ê信仰實踐，佇良光兄ê家庭，hö我看著現代聖法蘭西斯ê模樣。也親像聖徒巴拿巴ê奉獻，扶助受棄絕、tú重頭生ê保羅仝一樣。佇伊關懷濟濟至微細ê人中間，我受ê恩情上濟，超過至親ê兄弟。
有兩位牧師ê家庭（劉富理牧師、蔡茂堂牧師），hö我 佇信仰上kap心靈上ê輔導kap扶助。個佇極大ê壓力kap無閒ê牧會、教冊、讀冊ê生活中，常常hö我及時ê關懷kap幫助。鼓勵我繼續省察，準備做對上帝盡忠ê工人。
有一位心理學家Dr. Joyce Yeh，親像朋友，hö我定時ê心理輔導，鼓勵我用筆寫出我ê感受，hö我受過傷ê心靈得著醫治，這也是我開始監牢寫作ê因由。Hö我佇有限ê接觸空間kap惡劣ê環境中，猶有說(勿會)了ê Súi通欣賞、通分享、通傳講、通記載。
這本冊會當出版，著感謝良光兄對頭到尾ê贊助kap苦心。伊推廣台文ê熱心kap使命，是宛如赴湯踏火ê熱切；伊對朋友ê疼，是難得想像ê Súi。感謝陳豐惠女士、陳福住牧師詳細ê校正、潤稿。多謝李嘉宜妹妹（李勤岸兄ê查某子），佇國小六年ê時，開始為這本台文ê冊拍字。這款通謳咾ê查某囝仔，是推動台文ê向望。感謝林文欽先生佇出版業務頂出大力。
真感謝羅榮光牧師、劉富理牧師、黃明鎮牧師kap鄭良偉教授寫序。個hö我佇信仰、智識kap服事頂köan，攏有真大ê指導。也多謝陳俊偉牧師翁某提供我寫作ê資料。
最後，欲多謝我ê某子，個受我ê連累，無埋怨我ê失職， kap我同受苦chiah-nih久，猶會當日日謳咾上帝、事奉上主，做夥等候主憐憫kap受害家屬諒解ê一日。
我也欲藉出版這本冊，向受害ê家屬kap濟濟受傷害ê人，kap遐ê到今猶疼阮ê人，說出我心底永遠ê虧歉kap感激：
因為恁ê寬恕，造成了上帝恩典ê見證；
因為您ê扶持，造成了上帝看會著ê疼。
因為您佇基督ê疼，造成了世間ê Súi。
纪福讚(Samuel Chi)謹識
Soledad, C.A.
Regretful and Grateful
With deep regret and gratefulness I write this book. What is wandering in my mind is what St. Paul has spoken in I Tim 1:14-16: The grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to see sinners, of whom I am chief. However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all long-suffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe in Him for everlasting life.
In July 1991, temporarily insane, I made a terrible mistake, one that caused a friend of mine to disappear. It disappointed the church I served and loved. I hurt the family that I have always respected. It brought trouble upon my family and made it difficult to survive for them. As for myself, I embarked on a long life of incarceration and regret. Day and night, I cried for mercy and forgiveness from God Whom I fear, and from the people I have hurt. I felt so painful and remorseful that I would rather have buried myself.
During these hard times, some friends and pastors have supported me and encouraged me to survive in love and revive in spirit. It is so grateful for me not only to say thanks but also to rebuild myself with the love they have given to me, and the dream of making up for the harm I have done to those I love and to the victim’s family whom I have always respected. This is the reason I write this book.
I am not a composer who can write touching music to show my remorse. Nor am I a good dancer able to express the feelings inside through the dancing. I am only an inmate incarcerated in the darkness, with only a little freedom of contact with people outside. Everyday I remain in a very negative circumstance, but I still believe in what the Bible says:
Look at the birds: they do not sow seeds, gather a harvest and put it in barns; yet your Father in Heaven takes care of them! Aren’t you worth much more than birds? Can any of you live any longer by worrying about it? …
Look how the wild flowers grow: they don’t work or make clothes for themselves But I tell you that not even King Solomon with all his wealth had clothes as beautiful as one of these flowers. It is God who clothes the wild grass. (Matthew 6:26-30)
I try to find something good and beautiful around me to prove this message true. I pray and meditate every moment to find it. Thank God! I find it every day and write it down. I encourage myself to go forward with the beauty and the good as they occur in the stories I read and the events I witness. It is just like the title of a book I once translated into Chinese, “Life is not fair, but God is good”，by Robert Schuller. I write what I meditated through these years, and doing so has encouraged me greatly to find the love around me and the hope before me. I believe that God will take care of the people in need and watch over them with compassion day and night, just as the Taiwanese saying goes: One blade of grass, one drop of dew.
摘自 一枝草 一點露 世間ê Súi 2001/06
