憶亡兄

作者 李友禮

媽媽說她生友義仔時難產，友義仔來這個世界時，全身黑黝黝、沒有氣息。但老天有眼，知道苦難的台灣，需要他這種笑口常開、腳踏實地、默默耕耘、不怨天尤人、力求上進、造福親友、…的人，而給他賜生。但沒想到，六十三年後，老天瞎了眼，在他爐火純青、能把一生的心血奉獻給他熱愛的故鄉時，奪走了他的生命。

友義仔大我一歲（實算十八個月），和他一起長大，好簡單好容易。穿他留下的娃娃裝、學他的牙牙語、用他的尿布、…我小時和友義仔像雙胞胎，蠻逗人喜歡的。大了一點，我開始查覺：友義仔只大我一歲，但比我聰明懂事，我只要跟著他，就不會挨打挨罵和弄巧成拙。有基本求生慾望和小聰明（Wit, not Smart）的我，就跟著他；唸二重國校（已搬到三重埔）、第一名畢業、考上建中、留美、搞同鄉會、幹台獨、上黑名單、疼某大丈夫、孝順父母、手足情深、…包括最近幾年來的參加世台會。

記憶裡，我們沒吵過架。媽媽老是說：友義仔好乖、你好壞；他老是讓你。雖然如此，媽還說：三、四歲時，有一次兩兄弟吵起架來，你不知從何處抓了一把小鐵鎚，把友義仔的頭敲了一個小洞。我不相信，直到友義仔給我看他頭上的小瘡疤。他脫髮神速說是我敲出來的。我說：那一敲，他才混沌大開、聰明「絕頂」（沒毛的意思）。總之，那一次「教訓」後，他再也不跟我吵架了。

國民黨來台後，我家家道中落。家母為了幫助家計，毅然加入工作行列。在父母早出晚歸的情況下，友義仔放學回家都會自動自發地幫忙晚餐的準備工作。他十五、六歲就會煮飯（那時還沒有電鍋）和炒簡單的大鍋菜。那時寄人井下，友義仔會利用飯後沒人用井的時間，拖大妹和我去洗衣服。過年做甜糕時，我們輪流下米和搖轉石磨。友義仔做很多家事，還能保持良好成績，怪不得他是個品學兼優的好學生。

友義仔高一時，台海發生戰役，「太平艦」被炸沉。國民黨藉機搞出一個「建艦復國」的學生運動。高中生集合在台北中山堂開會（職業學生作秀），有計劃地把這個會搞到「血書總統、自願從軍」的狂熱。
那是友義仔第一次也是最後一次盲目衝動替國民黨流的一滴血。若非他才高一，國民黨早就抓他去「不自願」從軍了。自從那次盲從後，友義仔在碰到國民黨時，一定敬鬼神而遠之，以免受騙。以他「自願從軍、思想純正」的紀錄，國民黨的職業學生和教官導師三番五次地都無法邀他入黨。

1957年以他的聯考成績，可以考進成大的電機系。但因家貧，我們兄弟都心裡有數，台北以外的大學免填。他就去工專唸電機。翌年，聯考不分組，我第一次，他重考。他希望考進台大工學院。他未休學而雙管齊下。如果他休學一年好好K書，一定給他考上的。事實証明，為了唸台大而遲一年是沒必要的。他後來出國留學，拿到博士學位，不再因沒考上台大而心有戚戚焉。那年我考上台大經濟系，他鼓勵我去唸，多選會計，出來容易找工作。因為我們都差一點去唸五年制的北商（如果沒考上建中時）。就在一起準備聯考，因天熱每晚在門外門燈下K書到一、二點時，看巷尾兩個失學下海、坐三輪車回來的夜歸人，我們慶幸二個家貧失學的妹妹不必如此淪落。但我們都知道她們的犧牲是我們的學位無法彌補的。這年我們兄弟也因一起K書而更加接近。

唸工的，一般都是不解風情的。但友義仔是個例外。當我上大學「大學」跳舞時，友義仔也有興趣。我們互相交換舞步和心得。只要是能夠帶人（一般帶女伴沒問題，但帶「游擊手」不受歡迎）的舞會，我都帶友義仔去。後來我們還一起去追小學老師。結果雙雙撲空。我現在還在用的「恰-恰-恰」和「扭扭舞」的基本步，就是友義仔傳授的。來美後，發現會三步七仔的很吃香，友義仔應該有他的好時光（Good Time）吧。

友義仔去Kansas State唸書時，一群熱愛台灣的留學生，聯合Wisconsin大學和Philadelphia的台灣學生，成立了『台獨聯盟』。友義仔應該是『聯盟』的原始盟員。他那時寫了一封信給我，很詳盡地告訴我：家父在國民黨入台後，落魄的情形。我一直以為友義仔是個乖乖牌的孩子，他不會搞革命的。1970年家父母來美探親，受到國民黨百般的折磨和侮辱。我以為是我在芝加哥搞出來的麻煩。父母一來後，才知道是友義仔惹的禍。我一直不敢去想像：如果是我一個人的話，爸媽會如何處置我？爸媽那次是「受國民黨之託」，出來「教訓」我們兄弟的。等我單槍匹馬到Oklahoma去帶父母時，友義仔已說服他們了。就父母來說，友義仔永遠是正的、對的、言行一致的。就『台獨』來說，友義仔也永遠是正的、對的、堅毅一致的。

90年代初，友義仔致力於「黑名單」的打破。他曾應台灣媒體的邀請，公開出面作證。這本文獻被大妹的女兒凱玲在圖書館翻到，借出來給大家看，還頻頻說：大舅好厲害、好偉大噢！

破除「黑名單」後，友義仔因工作上的關係，得以回饋台灣的空防設施和年老多病的父母。他事親至孝又有神通，能在父母最需要的晚年回去照料。在巴西世台會時，我們談了一下。友義仔打算九月回台長住到明年退休。退休後，他會把他那套台灣空防所需的專門技術奉獻出來。沒想到，在那遙遠的巴西、在那彎曲的陡坡，你失去了神通、你失去了知覺；我們失去了你、台灣也失去了你。

IN MEMORY OF MY BROTHER, Andrew Lee

By Jeffrey Lee

Mom said: when Andrew was born, she experienced a long delay. Therefore, when he finally arrived, he was breathless and already turned black and blue. But God knows how desperate this young couple, the poor family, the Taiwanese society, … needed a smiley, helpful, optimistic, energetic, idealistic, hard-working, down-on-earth, … guy like him, so God let him live. After 63 God-blessed wonderful years and while he had a chance to devote all he had to his beloved Motherland, God took away his life.

Andrew is only eighteen months older than me. Growing up with him is nice and easy like a piece of cake. I grew up with his left-behinds, such as baby clothes, baby talks, stinky diapers … When we were little; we were as cute as a pair of twins and drew a lot of attentions. Soon I found out: Andrew is smarter than me and if I follow him, I won’t get into troubles. With that little witty observation, I followed him from 3 to 63. We went to the same rural elementary school miles away and we both graduated with top honor. We passed tough entrance exams and got into the best middle school in Taiwan. He came only six months before me to the States for education and a taste of freedom. We both engaged in TAA (Taiwanese Association of America) local activities and eagerly promoted Taiwan’s democratization. We both devoted to WUFI (World United Formosans for Independence) and landed on KMT (Kou Ming Tang or Nationalist Party) regime’s Black List. On family matters, I learned from him to become a loving son, brother, husband, uncle and most of all, a respectful Taiwanese. In recent years, I even follow him to WFTA (World Federation of Taiwanese Associations) conventions and tours where his young life would end unexpectedly.

As long as I can remember, we brothers never got into fights. Mom said: you were bully and Andrew would let you win without a fight. Even so, she would give us this little story: At the age of three (me) and four (you know who), you brothers were fighting for something and you grabbed a hammer and broke a little hole on your brother’s head. I didn’t believe it till Andrew showed me that little scar on his head. Later on he would blame me for losing his hairs too young. I always rebutted with: that little knock on your head also opened up your hidden wisdom. No matter what, I thought he kind of ‘scared’ of me after that little incident.

Since the arrival of KMT regime, our family’s well being turned sour. Mom had to work for living too. Our parents would work long hours and came home late. Andrew would do the cooking after school. He could cook rice (no electrical rice cooker at that time) perfectly at 15 or 16 and a couple of ordinary everyday dishes. Meanwhile we were using neighbor’s water well. He would get our elder sister and me to wash clothes at the well side while owner’s having dinners. Toward the Lunar New Year, we brothers would elaborate at another neighbor’s stone grinder to make rice into paste (then Mom would make it into rice cake). Andrew did have a lot of “home works” and he did both (home and house works) well.

At the time when Andrew was first year in Senior High (both Junior and Senior have three-year term), a battle broke out at Taiwan Strait. One KMT’s Battle ship was torpedoed and sunk. KMT propagandized the whole situation into a “re-build ship and re-cover China” student movement. All the senior high students were gathered at Taipei Convention Center and the ‘professional’ students would turn the convention into a planned and frenzy “vow with blood and join the Navy” finale. That was the first and the last time that Andrew would bleed for KMT regime. If he were a little older, KMT would grab him and sent him to Naval Academy ‘involuntarily’ after he got frenzy and volunteered to join the navy at the convention. After that frenzy encounter, Andrew always stayed away from any KMT brain-washing gimmicks and also rejected any lures from professional students and ROTC advisers to join the KMT.

After 1957 College Entrance Exam, Andrew’s score could secure him with a seat to the EE department at Cheng Kong University. But instead, he chose to go to Taipei Institute of Technology (TIT). As poor as we were, staying at home while going to college would be most economical. A year after, he would take the entrance exam once again and try to get into College of Technology, National Taiwan University (NTU). He took on both TIT courses and entrance exam concurrently. If he dropped out of TIT and concentrated on the exam (most second timers did that), for sure he would get what lie wanted. As a matter of fact, he wasn’t remorseful at the failure on his second trial. He just kept on going and finished TIT, a three-year program, so that he could help the family economically. Five years after graduated from TIT, he would get on a cross-Pacific flight and came to the States for education and pursuit of freedom, etc. He is one (if not the only one) of the few TIT graduates who was honored with a Ph.D. degree and a bountiful of accomplishments both in Taiwanese politics and science achievements.

Through that same entrance exam, I got into Economics at NTU. He urged me to take it and elected more accounting courses so that I could easily find a job after graduation. At that time, Andrew and I were already suffering from the non-reversible sacrifice of two sisters who did not have a chance to go on and get higher education. We tried to release their burdens and never had in our minds the possibilities of going abroad and became someone else like what we have in status quo. But it proved one more time that we brothers were lucky and blessed ones in this poor Lee family. Our two smart sisters would do well in business and provided us these enormous opportunities to become more than what we supposed to be.

Generally speaking, engineers are awkward in romantic endeavors. But Andrew is an exception. I wasted three out of four college years learning how to dance. Andrew was interesting in dance too. But he only wasted two years. We would exchange any new steps we learned and tried on with each other. At that time, we did not have “homo” things going and gentlemen as well as ladies were comfortably dancing with each other without raising anybody’s eyebrows. It was more often for me to bring Andrew to a dancing party than vice versa. If I happened to have a partner, then I always asked her to bring a girl friend for Andrew. At one point of time, we were after two school teachers. We both stroke out, not for his look but could be mine. Again, I had learned how to do a basic Cha-cha-cha and Twist from Andrew. Even till today, I still Cha-cha-cha and twist (or rock-n-roll) the Andrew’s way. Since coming to the States, I find myself to be able to dance have brought me fun, fame, and good times. I thought Andrew should have his share of the same.

While Andrew was studying at Kansas State University, a group of Taiwanese students joint league with their counterparts at Madison, Wisconsin and Philadelphia and established the awesome WUFI. Andrew was one of the founding members. He wrote me a long letter that same year and depicted his hard feeling toward KMT by illustrating how our parents were unjustifiably treated upon the regime’s arrival. Never in my mind that Andrew would be such a radical revolutionist. In 1970, when our parents applied for a visit to the States, they were frustrated, ridiculed, and even insulted by KMT. I thought it was me causing all the troubles. Soon after they came, then I found out it was Andrew who started the commotion. I started to wonder what if it was me, then? That year our parents came under one condition, i.e., to preach their sons for KMT. By the time I got to Stillwater, Oklahoma, Andrew already squared away and contented with them. To my dear parents, Andrew is always positive, righteous, and consistent; and to WUFI, Andrew is also very positive, righteous, and persistent.

In 90’s, Andrew devoted his effort to the elimination of KMT’s Black List. He was invited by Taiwanese media to present evidence publicly on the existence of the Black List and its harm to human rights. Our niece (my elder sister’s daughter) Kai-Ling came upon to the literature at a public library in Taipei. She checked the book out and showed everybody, including me. She excitedly uttered: My Uncle Andrew is very brave and great! So you beat me to it again, Andrew.

After the elimination of Black List, it was a magic that Andrew was able to go back home and worked on Taiwan’s Air Defense System. Meanwhile, he was able to take care of our aged parents at their golden years. At the WFTA convention in Brazil, we talked a little about retirement. He planned to take on the air defense job and stationed in Taiwan till next year before he formally retired. Then he was going to devote all his time and resources to the beloved Motherland. But, at the steep slope of the remote country, you lost your magic, you lost your touch; and worst of all, we lost you, our 87-year old mother lost you and our Motherland lost you forever!

摘自 李友義博士紀念集 / 09/2001

Posted in 02/2016