A Fated Relationship: Until We Meet Again in Heaven
Author: Ming Chang Wang 王敏昌
Beatrice, my wife, my love – I have been suffering from illness. Aside from coping with cancer, I am also faced with cardiac arrhythmia, swelling feet, gastrointestinal discomfort, and gout. I fight these many enemies on my own and am gradually feeling overwhelmed. I feel my life is slipping through my fingers one drop at a time. I do not have much longer to live.
When I was young, you did not care that I was just a graduate student of biochemistry with no clear path and uncertain future income. You married me for love. Married for 46 years, we have held each other’s hands along the way and experienced joys and sorrows together, always loving and encouraging each other. Though we experienced times of discord just like other couples, we were always able to rely on our wisdom and upbringing to dispel the dispute and remain unswervingly faithful.
We never forgot our oath to God on our wedding day in that church in Edmonton in front of Pastor Smith: “For better, for worse, till death do us part.” Our marriage was stable and happy. We must thank Pastor Smith for presiding over our wedding though he knew we were not Christians, and for blessing us and giving us precious teachings which we benefited from for the rest of our lives. Perhaps he foresaw that this young couple would become children of God in the end. Your hard work, your orderly household management, and your excellent upbringing of our children allowed me to focus on my research work and attain some success. Our children have also all come to build successful careers. I am truly grateful to you. Suffering from terminal illness, I will depart first – what alternative is there? I know no human is immune to aging and no human is immortal. The Bible says, “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Psalm139:16).” The life given to me by God was preordained; now my time has come, and I must go. Distant mountains will always be here while the white snow caps come and go, year after year, but human life cannot sustain forever – once it is gone it never comes back. Next spring when the little birds have returned to our garden chirping joyously as they build nests, when the mountain slopes are full of flowers, I might already be gone. I always thought we could rely on each other for another 10 years, never imagining I would now already be at the end of my road. Farewell is nigh, and there will be pain.
We have had many beautiful memories in our life: picking cherry blossoms, apples, and grapes with the children, camping and swimming, picnicking in a lakeside forest of towering trees with friends; watching our children’s ball games and concerts; seeing the changing foliage in the fall and sledding in the winter; participating in the graduation ceremonies for Earl’s MD and Lauren’s MBA; taking the train for several days and nights to the East coast to see Earl, Barbara and our beloved granddaughter Amelia – (on the ride we snuggled up in our small compartment watching the world outside, the rain, the snow, the vastness, the fields, the pastures, the trees and animals on the snowy mountains, the meandering rivers in the valleys, the precipitous peaks on the side of the tracks); holding hands as we toured the ancient cities of Europe with their cobblestone roads, and soaking in the sun of the Provence in southern France; looking out at the blue sea and snow capped mountains in the distance from the balcony of our cruise ship room, as we let the sea breeze caress our faces, or as we watched that vast white world and massive floating icebergs of the south pole from our warm room; strolling with our friends by the seashore at dusk, listening to the rhythm of the waves crashing to shore and admiring the sunset and sky full of pink clouds; eating and laughing together with friends…
We have also experienced much trauma that has become engraved on our hearts: the loss of our parents and dear friends; getting taken advantage of, deceived, and insulted by friends we once wholly trusted; the suspension of my academic career at a most unfavorable time due to personal relationships when I deserved honor; the panic caused by my unemployment…
Looking back at our life, there has been pain and joy, rising and falling like a rollercoaster ride. We wove ourselves many beautiful dreams, some of which materialized and some of which shattered. In old age, I finally understood the truth of the American proverb, “you can’t always win” and calmly accepted there will always be some regrets in life. I also understood that if there are no setbacks in life, how can you understand the preciousness of happy times? Imagining you by yourself in quiet nights remembering our life together after I am gone, I cannot help but shed tears.
There are two things that illustrate the depth of our feelings as husband and wife that I have never told you, for Taiwanese are conservative and our love is expressed through deeds not words. Words of love and devotion seldom hang from our lips. I want to tell you those two things now: many years ago, at the NATPA meeting in San Diego, Professor Menglang Cheng 程孟郎brought several of us on a hike before the meeting. Halfway up you grew tired and did not want to continue, so you waited for me there. I climbed to the peak with those professors and descended after taking in the spectacular view. When we came back to where you were waiting, I did not see you. I immediately panicked, not knowing what had happened to you, and I regretted leaving you there. I kept hiking and made you wait all alone on this desolate mountain. I should have given up the hike and accompanied you down the mountain. When I finally saw you, my heart melted. This incident made me realize how unshakable my love for you is.
The second incident was also many years ago. I had a nightmare in which you died, but I did not accept this reality. I searched for you in every corner of our house, and when I finally ended up in the downstairs guest room and did not see you, I had a surge of sadness in my heart and knew you had died, knew I would have to live a drab life without you, without love, from now on. I woke up and kept thinking to myself how lucky it was only a dream, to only be a dream. This dream also made me realize how deeply I love you. Was it God crafting this dream to remind me to treasure you?
Since I put my faith in Jesus three years ago, I have felt I have been particularly blessed and loved by the Lord throughout my life. Several times in my life I was near death, but miraculously kept living. I believe in the words of Psalm 103:3-4: “who (the LORD) forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.” I consider myself an ordinary person; I am surrounded by people of equal or superior capabilities. Yet I have had opportunities and the luck to stand out and make some important contributions to medicine.
Thinking back on my life’s path, it is quite different form the plan I had as a young person. I always felt that the Lord was guiding me on the road to success. Every turning point was unexpected or even unwelcomed, yet we ended up better for them in the end and were able to enjoy a stable and prosperous life in our old age. I am grateful to the Lord. I am also grateful for the guidance of Pastor Chen Huang Yimin 陳黃義敏and Professor Yaoyang Hsieh 謝堯洋who led us to the love of God; it is because of them we became His son and daughter.
Since I have been ill you have been worried and exhausted mentally and physically, to the extent that your health has been impacted. I cannot bear it every time I see you outside the window holding your stomach pain to go buy food or medicine; I am so sorry. We have been together our whole lives, and on this eve of departure, I am heartbroken. Our beloved grandchildren are far off on the East coast and seldom together with us. We longed to be able to go see them as we wished, but once I became ill, we could not go see them at all. I am truly sad and sorry to leave them forever. You must take care of yourself; one day we will meet again in heaven, in the palace and garden of the Lord. Once I am gone, you must pray every day and thank the Lord for his generosity. I thank the Lord for giving me such an intelligent, beautiful, and friendly wife who has brought joy to my life. May you forever be bathed in God’s glory, love, and peace. May our merciful, forgiving, gracious, and all-knowing God always bless you and protect you.
Ming Chang
Source: Ming Chang Wang
Translated from: 42. 生生世世緣 天國再相見 / 王敏昌 by T.A. Archives
Posted: 2/19/2021
